My Living Nightmare

I have been living out a nightmare for the last few days. Has anyone had a nightmare that you were accepted to law school, but you are then told by the dean that, because you forgot to do some fiddly little insignificant thing, your admission has been revoked and you’re not going to law school?

I guess things have just been going too freaking well for me then, because THIS IS WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME!!!

I came home from several weeks of traveling to find a letter from the University of Pomorum saying they never received my deposit payment of $250 and assumed that I had made other plans and consequently my admission had been cancelled.

It was after office hours, so I sent an email to the admissions office. I spent the rest of the night in a tearing blind panic, waiting for the admissions office to open the next morning so I could call and explain what happened and try to work it out so that I could be readmitted.

What happened was that I definitely went onto the online system and paid the deposit. In fact I paid the whole deposit of $400 at once rather than waiting to pay incrementally. The Economist was there the whole time I made the payment and recalled my doing it as well because he fed me our bank account numbers. I did it through our online school forum (most schools have something similar). But for some reason, the payment did not go through and I never noticed that the money did not leave my bank account. (This is because only my husband has online access to our banking—which is completely foolish because you should never leave only one person in charge of two peoples’ finances.) Around the same time I also submitted a transcript request. This request too apparently did not ever go through. I never received any confirmation that the payment had gone through, nor did I receive any indication that the payment had failed. I kept receiving things from the Pomorum Law School (PLS) including that request for transcripts. I sent one from undergrad off of the online forum, the one that never went through, and one from my London Master’s University, via paper request. I had no idea whatsoever why the payment had not gone through.

I called the minute the office was open the next morning and explained what happened. The lady seemed to think there was nothing to be done about it! She was so desperately unhelpful and unsympathetic; she did not seem to understand that this was KIND OF IMPORTANT to me.

Finally she said what I could do was write a letter explaining what happened and see if the admissions committee would change their mind. After I got off the phone with her, I called all the IT people at the U of P, billing and admissions, and could produce no evidence that I had attempted to make that payment in the first place. I started working on my letter to the admissions committee and waiting for The Economist to come home from a doctor’s appointment he had that morning. When he got back, I had to explain the situation to him out loud. I think this was probably the lowest moment I have experienced in a long time and I just lost it for a while. Then I pulled myself together, wrote the damn letter and emailed it in. I also consulted the U of P law professor with whom I had spoken some time before. He was very encouraging, saying that he would be very surprised indeed if the committee allowed this sort of mistake to be the basis for rejecting an admitted student. But, he said, he really had no idea how this process worked. He said I should write the letter and hand deliver it to both the admin lady and the Dean of Admissions, along with a check for the full amount of the deposit.

I wrote, frankly, a stellar letter outlining what happened. I emphasized that I thought I had done the necessary action and although I could not explain why the payment had not gone through, in every other respect, I had been planning and intending to attend the PLS in the fall, including moving back to the United States, passing up other opportunities in the UK, submitting transcripts as requested even after the payment was due, and otherwise completely rearranging me and my husband’s lives in order to go to this school. I felt I laid everything out there, made a strong argument and could add nothing else. All I could do was hope the committee believed me.

The Economist and I delivered the letter by hand, almost getting into an accident on the way, we were both so distracted. When I got to the office, I had already put the check into the envelope I was delivering to the Dean of Admissions. I had hoped to be able to talk to him about it—‘bring it to his attention’ as they say—unfortunately he was not in and would not be back until next Monday. So I spoke to the admin lady, who seemed almost angry that I had chosen to hand deliver the letters, and to give a copy to the Dean of Admissions. She did not want me to give him the check either, so I had to take it out of the envelope. I was really worried about not including the check so I tried to sneak it back in, but she caught me. Oh well, I tried. Anyway, I left it in her hands and walked out feeling like the biggest idiot in the world. The problem was that I felt I had not done anything wrong but I couldn’t prove it. I also felt stupid about the fact that, if I was not readmitted, I would just reapply next year, they’d probably accept me, and I’d start the following fall, having wasted another year doing nothing, all because of a stupid mistake I didn’t really make.

After that, The Economist and I didn’t really know what to do with ourselves. We had meant to spend part of the day in our favorite coffee shop, reading and working on things. But we weren’t settled enough in our minds to do that. There were all kinds of things we needed to do to prepare for law school and grad school, but I didn’t want to do any of it until we knew one way or the other what was going to happen. I’m not the kind of person who can just go on faith that the right outcome will just happen.

We went to my future grocery store to look around and see if the things we’ve gotten used to eating in Britain were available in the US. Then we went to The Economist’s grandma’s house to drop off some Baileys Truffles we bought in Ireland for her husband who is undergoing chemotherapy and radiation therapy for the second time. That put things sharply in perspective. TE and I are young, healthy and we have each other through thick and thin. I knew then that I could handle the worst case scenario of having the wait until next year. It would be awful, but there are worse things in this world and talking to TE’s saint-like grandma made me realize that.

We were supposed to leave the next day to visit my brother-in-law, a 5-hour drive away, and we briefly considered not going in case the PLS needed me for anything but we decided since the Dean of Admissions was gone until Monday, we couldn’t expect to hear anything (and the admin lady said next week was the earliest we could expect to hear anything) so we decided to go anyway and try to enjoy ourselves.

It was unbelievably painful to have to explain the situation to everyone we encountered who asked about my plans or when I started at school. I felt anxious all the time. I tried to think about it as little as possible.

On the drive down, we were relayed a message via TE’s family that the admin lady had called, but again it was out of office hours, so I had to wait over an agonizingly anxious night to call.

In the morning I did call. She told me that the IT people had confirmed that I had signed onto the forum system on the date I said I did and that I was being readmitted.

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After the last four years, and especially the last one year, I did not need this one more roller coaster ride. I was not even as relieved to be readmitted as I thought I should be because I always felt I had done nothing wrong in the first place. And it completely killed any thrill I had felt about being back home because of the pulse-quickening anxiety I felt every time I thought about it.

If I believed in an intelligent omniscient and omnipotent creator, I’d say that creator wanted to make me to really, really, REALLY appreciate my acceptance to law school.

I know there are more lessons here but I need some time to process this.

Also, I know for sure that I've been admitted because I now have a $12,000 university bill.

What I'm Doing to Prepare for Law School

Now that I’m a 0L, I’ve been getting full swing into the 0L thing. What am I doing to prepare for 1L?

I have been advised over and over and over again that the summer before 1L should not be spent trying to learn law because

a.) You won’t understand anything anyway and

b.) The first year of law school is a very brief and intense period before which you should rest, relax and gird yourself for the forthcoming work.

The advice from a British book called Letters to a Law Student by Nicholas J. McBridge is that if you get your books and can study the first few chapters of each, you’ll be a little bit ahead when school starts.

A friend of mine who just graduated from the University of Pomorum Law School this past year has also advised me that I should just try to enjoy myself. He said that once school starts, things will not be bad, just different.

I told him I was only worried about wearing myself out enjoying myself this summer. For one I’m going on a million vacations. I just came back from Scotland. In a few days, I’m going to go to Ireland. Then I’m going to Boston for a family reunion. After that I’m going to visit my brother-in-law where he and his fiancé live. I won’t say where, but I will say it will include a beer brewery tour and a fancy new modern art museum.

After that I’m helping The Economist move to Cowville, then returning to Pomorum City for the briefest of moments before the school year actually starts!

McBride has a few more pieces of advice. First, he suggests that although you shouldn’t read law, you should read a lot to get used to the volume of material. Second, he suggests you should read things you won’t have time to read in school, particularly about different subjects to law. He also suggests that you read a study skills book well before school starts. Third, he thinks you should cultivate an interest in politics and economics. Scott Turow also has an interesting take on this issue, which I will write about later.

Following that advice, here is my reading list for sliz-ummer 2010:

One L—Scott Turow DONE

Never Let Me Go—Kazao Ishiguro DONE

King Leopold’s Ghost—Adam Hochschild ALMOST done

Infidel—Ayaan Hirsi Ali

Gilead—Marilynne Robinson

Moby Dick—Herman Melville

The Rule of Law—Tom Bingham

1000 Days to the Bar—Tonsing

1L of a Ride—McClurg

Succeeding in Law School—Ramy

I might also add a straight study skills book to the mix because I seem never to have developed those myself.

I’ve also been reading from the blogs, such as this post by Dennis Jansen, about what law students should be wearing to orientation and beyond. I’ve realized that my wardrobe is not suited to a semi-professional environment and that I will have to remedy this once I get back to Pomorum City. I do not want to veer too far into a non-law related subject, but I do think that the way you dress is important to the way you are viewed as a professional. It sucks, but there it is.

I feel the following is a delicate issue.

I have always had difficulty finding clothes that fit well and this is especially problematic when it comes to professional dress. You don’t want to look sloppy, or unkempt, or vulgar. The way I see it is that, far from being fashionable, you should try to look so effortlessly well-maintained and well-groomed that your clothes become a non-issue. There should be nothing positive or negative that stands out about your clothes, so that your work and your manner come through as the strongest impression left upon people. Office politics being what they are I know it is impossible to completely escape scrutiny of one’s clothing, especially if one happens to be a woman who works with other women. I want to stick, so far as it is possible, to my ‘ethic’ or philosophy of workplace clothing.

Consequently I’ve realized that I have to lose some weight. I am about to say something controversial, without apology; it’s just what I think at the moment:

You can be a fat man and still be viewed as a professional. It is harder for a fat woman to be viewed as professional.

Women’s clothing always affects the way they are perceived professionally more than men’s. I will see in time if this opinion in correct.

Anyway, I have to get into shape. Since appearances are so important, I’m just going to take this as part of my ongoing professional development. It wouldn’t hurt to be a bit healthier too.

I also got some pre-orientation reading in the mail from Pomorum. I had to fill out the FAFSA for the first time as an independent. It turns out I am eligible for the low-interest student loans, but I think for the first year, I will be able to pay from my savings. And since I will not be paying rent, my living expenses are going to be quite small. I want to delay taking out loans for as long as possible. Luckily, The Economist has full funding and a stipend at Cow College, so we will keep our debt load relatively low. Still, we will end up at least $100,000 in debt between us. This is an amount of money I cannot possibly conceptualize right now, so I won’t try. I think, like most people my age, I’ll just think about it later. What else can we do?

I’m off to continue ‘preparing for law school’ by enjoying the crap out of myself.

Judgment for the Plaintiff in the Amount of One Career

See previous post if you are confused about place and person names.

On the train to Edinburgh (pronounce it ed-in-brrrrrrra; roll the ‘r’).

My husband (who needs a name in this drama-tragedy, so from now on he will be called The Economist) and I are going to spend a few days in Scotland on the Isle of Skye. We have gone to Scotland every summer since we have lived in Britain (except the first, but that’s a story for another time); we absolutely love it—if I could live anywhere in the world I would live in the northern Highlands. The landscape is so beautiful, rugged and spectacular as to make you doubt your eyes. In the summer the sun stays out until 11:30 at night. It is not overly warm and you have to have clear weather to really get the full enjoyment of it, but we have always been lucky in that respect. Plus, when we come to Scotland, it is always to go walking (or hiking as we might say in the US) and the cooler weather is ideally suited for strenuous outdoor activity. We are also very fond of Edinburgh (whence came many illustrious personages including Adam Smith and J.K. Rowling). It is out of the way, calm and relaxed, unlike London, yet still very cosmopolitan.

This year, we are taking the train to Edinburgh and renting a car to drive to Skye. Our route will take us through the extraordinary region of Glen Coe, along the western coast and across to the western isles. We rented a cottage on Skye and we’ll use that as a base for walking trips during the days, augmented with time for reading and relaxation. In addition, probably a good amount of time will be spent in the local pubs watching World Cup action.

I love a long train trip dearly and I will miss these times when we’re back in the US.

Still, there are other reasons to look forward to it. Now that I have been accepted to law school, I have gone from Total Failure to ambitious go-getter overnight. I return home in semi-triumph.

I do recognise that my life is about to change in significant ways. (For one, I have to stop using British spellings for everything.) I am moving back to the town where I grew up and where I went to college. I have deeply missed it in the times when England was kicking my butt. I wanted nothing more than to get into law school at The University of Pomorum and immerse myself in law study without the distractions of a big city. Now that it has happened, I’ve discovered the truth in the adage ‘Be careful what you wish for’.

There are so many good things about this situation. I’m going to a well-regarded, 1^st tier law school, paying in-state tuition. I will be living at my in-law’s house (they will not be living there during this time) so I will not be paying rent, not to mention that it is a really nice house. I will have a dishwasher (live in Britain for 4 years and you will be left in no doubt of how much a dishwasher adds to your quality of life). The combination of in-state tuition and not paying rent will mean that I will graduate with much less debt than most people and will therefore have more options when I graduate. Not to mention the amelioration of the burden of repaying the loans. I will, as I said, be able to immerse myself in the study of law without the distractions of big city life. This includes the fact that I will no longer have an outrageous commute to get anywhere—one of the prime benefits of small-town life. I will have a car (or at least access to one) which means greater independence, always a good thing. This being my hometown, I will have no learning curves when it comes to orientation. I know exactly where to go, where to shop, where to get books, where to get coffee, where to go to the gym, what traffic is like at various times of the day, and any number of other tidbits about living in a town with which my intimacy was forged in infancy. I will also know that access to the law school is hopeless on football Saturdays. I believe that my comfort with the town itself will help me get my feet under me when it comes to studying.

I used to work in the research laboratory of a very famous professor who had repeatedly been given offers from the most prestigious institutions in the country to move his lab there, but he chose to remain in my home state for more than 20 years now because he felt the other places were located in cities which would prove too distracting to his employees. I think there is a lot of sense in that notion (although his employees seemed to get up to a lot of mischief anyway). I hope that in the quiet and the calm tranquility of my hometown, I will be able to focus myself fully on school, achieving perhaps a state of one-ness with the law, absorbing the law, and otherwise learning to love the law with all my meek little heart!

Since this is my hometown and I plan to live here for a while I will also be able to work on the dreaded networking. The fact that you can be helped in your career just because of the people you know is completely distasteful and repellant to me, but apparently, as I am constantly told, it’s the way the world works. So who am I to fight it? (Secretly I’m going to destroy the system from within.)

One more thing: going home means that I can finally use all the wonderful gifts I got from my wedding four years ago which have been sitting in my in-law’s storage room, collecting dust and running out their warranties. My husband and I are the types of people who really enjoy things—not expensive things, not things that demonstrate wealth or status, but things that have sentimental value: that remind us of great trips we’ve taken or that make us think of the friends who gave them to us. Sometimes, like when we are home for Christmas, I like to just go visit my wedding things in the basement, thinking of the day when I will finally be able to use them and start making my own home. That day is coming soon!

Another benefit in my new life is that it will truly feel like life, or at least the next step, rather than a holding pattern, which is how England has felt for the last 2 years. Being a law student makes me feel like an adult—because only serious adults go the law school, right? Right?

You see, I have a 15 year plan which I will elucidate at another time. If I didn’t get into law school this year, it would have thrown my whole plan off. Disaster averted!

So you see, this situation is almost ideal and I know it is exactly what I need to do, what I should do; it is nearly the best possible outcome that was within the realm of possibility for me. But in my state of depression and longing for home, I did not give much thought to some of the downsides.

Unfortunately this does mean that I will not be living in the same place as The Economist.However, we realized some time ago that this was inevitable, considering that we only overlapped in applications on two schools, and neither of us got into either one. A lot of people have advised us that career-oriented couples often have to spend some time apart from each other, especially during grad school. We always viewed it as a last resort, and unfortunately it has come to just that. The good news is that we are only 2 hours’ drive apart which is not bad, considering that the other available option was for The Economist to stay in London and for me to be in the Midwest. We prefer this. We will both have a car and will alternate driving on the weekends. If we’re lucky one or both of us will avoid classes Friday or Monday. It is the best we can do. The Economist has applied to take a 1-bedroom apartment in Cowville, where he is doing his PhD. I am really delighted that I will have a roommate, my husband’s cousin, who is doing her MBA. She is a lovely girl I have always gotten along with and it will be nice to have a roommate.

Another negative to which I had not given much thought is the fact that my home state of Pomorum gets damn cold in the winter. Having lived in the highly temperate Britain for four winters, I’m scared I have become a real wimp about the cold. It troubles me because I am a Midwestern girl with cold, ice, snow, rain, tornadoes, humidity, thunderstorms and heat in my bones and I’m worried I’ve gone soft. I always love the bracing cold and the snow when I go home for Christmas, but I’ve only had it in small doses for the last four years. What will it be like to have months of it on end? Now that I’ll be living in a house, will I be expected to shovel snow?!!? This horrifies me, I always hated shoveling snow.

Plus, I’ve always found British winters to be much worse than Pomorum winters. In the UK, it never gets below freezing, so although it’s cold you never get snow. It’s just cold rain.Consequently, everything feels cold and clammy and wet rather than bone-chilling but dry. Plus, in the UK, you can go weeks without seeing a single ray of sunshine. Between the grey of the sky and the grey of the wet concrete, it can be pretty depressing. In Pomorum you get clear skies even in the winter with a layer of snow that reflects light all around and is, frankly, beautiful. I am counting on those sunny days to sustain me in the long cold winter months.

Another semi-con/semi-pro is the fact that we will be closer to our families. I put this in the overall con column because I am feeling wary about this at the moment. We love our families of course but we have really enjoyed our total freedom and independence these last few years. I am someone who particularly prizes liberty and independence, having seen too little of them as a child, and I am concerned what being so near family will do to my sanity.

Finally, I mentioned before that there isn’t much to distract in my hometown. Neither is there much to entertain. I will truly miss the big city arts of London: world-class museums, theatre, music, dance, etc. In my hometown, there isn’t much to do beyond going to the mall, seeing movies, going drinking and going bowling. It is a good study environment but not very exciting.Yet, I seriously doubt this will be a problem as my life will be consumed with school and little else.

So do the pros outweigh the cons in this situation?

Overall my judgment is for the plaintiff. The Isle of Skye notwithstanding, I cannot wait to begin my new life as a University of Pomorum law student.

Glossary of Terms

I need to develop some mechanisms for protecting my anonymity whilst making it easier to write about my experiences. I have decided to replace real names and locations with suitable fictional ones. In the future, people and places will go by the following names:

The Economist

My dear husband. He's got blue eyes, a smoochable mouth, and he is a foot taller than me.

Pomorum City

My hometown. AKA Avalon. AKA The Fortunate Isle.

For example, Geoffrey of Monmouth says the isle

produces all things of it self... Of its own accord it produces grain and grapes, and apple trees grow in its woods from the close-clipped grass. The ground of its own accord produces everything instead of merely grass, and people live there a hundred years or more.

Isidore of Seville says

The name of the Isles of the Fortunate signifies that they bear all good things, as if happy and blessed in the abundance of their fruits.

The University of Pomorum

My law school. Also my undergrad school.

Pomorum

My home state.

Cow College

The Economist's university where he is doing his PhD. Also his undergrad school.

Cowville

Where Cow College is located. It is even lamer than Pomorum City, our hometown.

Applications Applications Applications!

One reason why this blog is so incoherent is that I change my mind on a daily basis about what exactly I'm going to do. Up until two days ago I was pretty sure Husband and I were going to move back to Midwest State next year, I would go to Midwest State School and he would go to Prestigious Midwest School, and we would just deal with a 3 and a half hour commute back to our Hometown on the weekends.

But a few days ago, Husband met up with some old friends from Oxbridge University, one of whom is now doing his PhD at British Economics School (which is what Husband wants to do, if it weren't for his little wifey who wants to go to law school). This friend, who is super duper smart, went to the best schools and did tons of math (which is what they want in Economics programmes) told Husband that he didn't get into a single American graduate economics programme! Husband also applied to tons of American graduate economics programmes for after university, but wasn't accepted to a single one (except oddly the Oxbridge University one--that's how we ended up in the UK in the first place). Well this friend knew why--because apparently the people they admit to these programmes are uber duper supercalifragalistic smart people who have not only gone to the top schools and graduated with good marks, but have worked in central banks, published papers, cured cancer and solved world hunger. I exaggerate, but basically they have spent their whole young adulthood aiming every career decision toward getting into one of these graduate economic programmes.

It is clear these programmes are very competitive and a lot more selective than we have previously believed. And even a master's degree from British Economics School isn't sufficient to get you in. Husband's friend basically said that Husband should be glad he is already in the British Economics School because he's much more likely to be able to do his PhD there than in any American school.

So now we're thinking Husband will definitely have to continue at British Economics School if he wants to do his PhD after his MSc. If I still decide to attend Midwest State School, we will be apart. But if I do a law degree here in the UK, we can be closer together.

So now, I'm opening that book again--Yes, I am definitely going to apply for UK schools as well as US schools. Just when I thought my life had gotten a whole lot easier.

If I Go to Law School in the States: Here is the Situation

I am trying to decide right now what law schools to apply to. Here is the situation: I don't have a great LSAT score so I'm taking the LSAT again this September. In about 10 days. I should probably be studying.

Anyway, I'm going to try to push up my LSAT score to make me competitive for the Top 14 schools in the States. This is because I want a 'good legal education', a concept I will have to define later (note to self). If I don't improve my LSAT score significantly, I have a difficult situation to deal with.

Here is the situation.

My Husband is a smart guy and he has done really well academically and is in many ways much smarter than me. He, like me, went to a large State University in the American Midwest on a full scholarship. He did really well and has since done post-graduate degrees at Oxbridge University (ie Oxford or Cambridge, I'm not going to say which) and is now doing a master's degree in Economics at a very highly regarded British... shall we say... school... of economics (I bet you can guess which). He wants to do his PhD directly after he finishes his master's degree this year.

Unfortunately, he married a woman who has not been as academically successful and--at least in America--would not be able to go to as good a grad school as one to which he might apply to do his PhD. There is the possibility that he and I could go to two different universities of different caliber which are in the same city or urban area. This is definitely a feasible option.

The problem with this option is that while Husband might be able to get funding, my law degree will be funded almost entirely on student loans. I have been strongly advised that before I take on $150,000 of debt to attend an expensive law school, I should consider my career goals and what I can reasonably anticipate will be my income in that career and decide how much debt I can take on accordingly. I want to be a prosecutor or possibly a public defender. Not high paying jobs. Kids do go to $50K-a-year law schools and fund it entirely on debt but afterward they often find their career options are severely limited by the fact they now have to start paying off that debt. That's okay if you can get a job in a big corporate environment or in a lucrative private practice. In light of my career goals and future earning expectations (and the fact that I am so. sick. of being poor) I think it is wise to graduate with as little debt as possible.

This means it doesn't make much sense to go to a lower caliber state law school in the same location as the Husband, particularly when I could just go to my alma mater's law school on in-state tuition for less than half the cost of out-of-state tuition at a second tier school or any of the Top 14 schools.

So my alma mater is a large State University in the Midwest with a law school that is in the Top 25. It has a good reputation and according to its statistics its gradates are working all over the country (sometimes it can be a problem that your school is not highly regarded elsewhere and you can't get a job outside your geographical region). It has a great library which I actually used for studying while on holiday during my master's degree. It is located in my Hometown, where I would have free housing and a much less expensive and much more comfortable lifestyle than a big city. I would live only 2 miles from campus and be able to bike or take a free bus. I would be nearer to family and friends. Why would anyone go to a lower-ranked state law school at twice the price when they have this great alternative?

Because I would have to be apart from my Husband. :( That's not a good thing and almost tips everything in the balance towards saying, fuck it, I'll pay the price, take on the extra debt, so that I don't have to be in a long-distance relationship with my Husband for three years.

My Husband could go to this Midwest State School to do his PhD but it would be a major step down, the Midwest State School is not great for Economics and, given his excellent academic record, he can do much better and indeed must do better than Midwest State School if he is to realise his career goal of being a college professor.

So at the moment it seems that what is best for me is to go to Midwest State School and what is best for Husband is to continue at his British Economics School for his PhD. We are at an impasse and have to weigh the issues carefully. And quickly. I should be applying for schools now and haven't even decided where to apply.